Heart Parenting Strategy: Don’t Minimize Your Parenting Power Because Your Partner Does It Differently
- Ben often looks at me when he dad tells him what to do, as though he’s waiting for me to “approve” of his father’s decision.
- Ben creates drama for my sake, hoping I will jump in and protect him. This is especially true if Dad has administered some kind of consequence for poor behavior that Ben has deemed unfair.
- Ben is disrespectful to his father, a bad habit he has learned from watching me counter his dad’s words and actions. Because it was disrespectful for me to do so.
- Ben has used his ADHD as an excuse for his poor decisions and behavior.
Sometimes, I am right. I know it in my core. And I know that my husband is wrong. But, instead of pitching a fit and correcting him like he’s the child, I give it a few minutes, pull him aside and discuss it with him. Most of the time, when I explain my reasons for doing something the way I have or asking him to doing something differently, he agrees and we suddenly find ourselves on the same page. This happens in the opposite direction as well — where my husband is the one who is correct and I am the one who needs a moment to realize it.
The other thing we have found works well is to just let the parent who determined a situation requires discipline go ahead and administer it. In the past, there have been times when I have been the one to discover an infraction, but my husband would want to be the one to step in and discipline for it, and vice versa. This often creates a scenario where I think he’s being too harsh or he believes I’m not being harsh enough. It works much better for us to each just carry through with the discipline ourselves.
What doesn’t work is for one parent to overemphasize his or her own value system to the detriment of the other parent. Instead, it is imperative for each parent to try to understand and appreciate the whys behind what the other is doing. If you don’t do this, you will soon find a giant chasm in your own relationship. The person who loses most in that scenario is the child.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith . . . (Hebrews 12:1-2)
10 Days of Heart Parenting is a series God laid on my heart after I read the book, The Christian Parenting Handbook by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, R.N. Be sure to click over to read the other installments of this biblical parenting series.